I remebered going to my Allied Health II class and thought it was going to be fun but instead gave me alot of misery. I also can recall the fact that some people call me a wolf even some very distrubing names which I don’t appreacieate being called. So one day I was in class waiting on the teacher. I felt so shocked about the words that came from some of the people mouths. I felt like that those comments were not only wrong,but also extremely hurtful to people like me. Why did I felt like those words were hurtful? Cause I don’t see some people saying those types of words cause they know its wrong. I know its wrong and I also feel that the people who said those words should not only apologize but also think about what they said and why they said it. I also think saying it to other people of different colors is wrong as well.
The other reason for me being singled out is for listening to one of my favorite songs from the album Don’t Forget called Two Worlds Collide. I still feel haunted for it til this day because I wanted to withdraw from public school and finish my senior year homeschooled cause I couldn’t take the bullying anymore and when I told my teacher about it I felt like nothing was done about it. Even now I still felt like I made the biggest mistake ever and mistake was leaving my band family behind. Why do I still feel haunted by this because they haven’t seen what I have been through with the bullying. The only thing makes me feel better is listening music and virtually talking to other people of that same fan base.
I feel that ever since March of 2011 when I had first set my Twitter account up the people who of the same fanbase had made me feel like a happy family. Being part of a fandom like the Lovatics, Jonatics, or iconicks we are like sisters even though we do not personally know each other but we all know what it is like to be bullied or talked about. When I the words I’m sorry what you’ve been through its telling me that you don’t know the real story. Ever since that has happened sometimes I would close my eyes and ask myself what would it be like if I went back to the past and saved my younger self maybe the story would be a whole lot different than what it is today.
This was not only was going on in high school but it’s been going on since elementary school. Actually it had first started back in the second grade. I can remembered hearing my parents saying that they had to drag me into the school..not actually but the real reason why I didn’t wanted to go to school as a child cause I was so afraid that something could happen and back in 2001 and I’ve felt that worst fear happening. That fear was being in a class with people who’s was willing to get up under my skin. As the bullying was still going on I had just about have had enough of it. So one day in class while we were doing an activity in class I had took it upon myself and had cut myself with the pair of scissors and the scar that is behind my left ear still remains in its very spot.
This had went on for several years but it had digressed in the fourth grade and then the bullying had returned during the 2004-2005 school year. I’ve had even felt that my own fifth grade home room teacher was allowing this to happen. It had went on all the way til my senior year of high school. Sometimes I ask myself “How do you find the truth from all of this?” Sometimes I wonder about the truth and if I had to find my younger self and see all of the humiliating things that I’ve went through during my time in school. Every time that I have on a pair of earbuds and plays one of my favorite musicians songs I know that it’s them telling me that you are stronger than you were when you were vulnerable.
Just like my fan fiction characters Anna Morgan in Rockstar Journey and Natalie-Grace”Gracie” Davis in Blue Bloods: Secrets of The Blue Templar both of them have been bullied and was afraid to talk about it and for Gracie she had closed almost everyone out of her life except for her longtime best friend Caroline Richards and her new friend Lucas “Jordan” Boscorelli which could be something more for both Gracie and Jordan cause she always wanted to have that one person who truly cares about her.
Even Katherine”Katie” Vance and Cara Wagoner goes the bullying too in my next upcoming fan fic novels that I’m working on in Wattpad.